I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
