Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
