so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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