I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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