i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize