so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
