she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
