Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
they need to just BURY HIM!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i out mim tonsoeep
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