Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize