id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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