are you still at the devil's house?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
