Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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