Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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