If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
