Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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