you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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