Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
