Umm I'm too high to move.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize