are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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