i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Houston, we have a squirter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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