Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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