Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
