Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
