Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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