I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
