I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
