I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
