I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
