She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize