There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
