I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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