I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
