Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
