I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
