I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize