I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
