I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And then he peed in my hair
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