I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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