The maid of honor just puked.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize