Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize