I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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