I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
