All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
