I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
