my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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