OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize