You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
