I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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