Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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