My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
