He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
