That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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