mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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