ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
