so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
