One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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