Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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