i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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