The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
