Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh god the rape fog is back!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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