pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
