How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize