I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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