i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
