This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
