My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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