Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
