Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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