Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize