I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
