Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
