Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
