where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am available for nakedness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize